‘Don’t let your difficult past define who you are today. If you do, you will live your whole life as a victim of the past. There is life force within you waiting to shoot out of the ground of the past. Please trust that force of renewal. Bow respectfully to your past and proclaim, “From now on, I have decided to be a little happier!” ~ Haenim Sunim in his book Love for Imperfect Things. 

I do love reading Haenim Sunim’s books, Love for Imperfect things and The things you can see only when you slow down. Digging deeper every page, I am always reminded to be contented with things I have and things I do now. That my existence is enough and that I am worthy of love. Somehow, the books have also helped me a lot to live the life I have and appreciate it.

A little throwback 3 years ago when I was lost and trapped in the darkness. At that time, I used to really wanted to travel the past and fix things that happened to me, gave clarification to whatever people thought about me and did something to defend myself. Instead of making me feel better, those ideas gave me more stress. More scenes in the brain, dialogue, things supposed to be that were flying around in my head and not to mention the uncontrollable thoughts. I knew really well that it did not happen, it only happened in my head. I used to feel better by imagining things, and of course yes i feel better only in a short moment. However, knowing that what I imagined was the opposite from the reality, I was dragged down deeper and darker.

There was this point when I saw a little light from the dark pit where I sat, I thought the light would shine toward my place and I would be happier, but it just stayed there. Stayed by the end of the tunnel. The light blinked sometimes. Instead of going to the light, I went further and darker, I just wanted to be reached. Everything that I did that time seemed to be a mistake, at least that’s what I thought. I could not recall how many times I wanted to shout and asked for help, but I did not. I was not happy.

Until I realised, I had to stand up. I had to stand out. I had to lift my chin. Thinking, that even though 3 years had been wasted, I did not want to waste the rest of my life. I sought for help to do the self healing. I did this and that, took this class and that, gave affirmation this and that, went here and there, and just so many more.

By then I understand, Know-Feel-Experience-Allow really helps. (Know, knowing what kind of feeling. Feel, feeling the feeling. Experience, experience the feeling and Allow, allow the feeling). One step at a time, I learn what it means by let go and let God. I let go my past, I thank them. I cannot deny that somehow they have made me as who I am today. I learn also that everyone has their light, there is always goodness in a person. The good news is, we have to see everyone’s light. And that is another thing that keeps me going, I know that I am loved. I am worthy of love. The journey that I have right now should be full of love! Full of light!

By the time going, another thing that I understand is : asking my mind to quiet is same thing to ask my heart to stop beating. So whenever the mind wanders, I take a deep breathe and appreciate that they have stopped by and let them go.

Life is a journey. It depends on how do you want to make a good journey. Mine, I have decided to be a little happier day by day, one at a time. What about yours?
You are worthy of love, you are loved and your existence is enough.
The light in me salutes the light in you, Namaste.